[January 16, 2012]
Post-Holiday Fat Gut Syndrome
Holy turtlenecks was Christmas ever a busy time for us at the shop! Turkeys, prime ribs, hams, capons…you named it, and we cut it and sold it. Like most people in the foodservice industry at this time of year, we worked about twelve hours a day for two weeks. I don’t know about you, but after a long hard day at the bandsaw I like to relax with a nice big ole glass of “liquid inspiration” and something nice and fatty to put in my face. Steak? Yessir! Gin and Tonic? You betcha!! A whole meat lover’s pizza and a bottle of Carménère? Hell yeah!!! Now, the best (read: fattiest) part of the season’s indulgence is of course Christmas dinner. We have a tradition in my house of having at least three meats. This year it was roast beef, ham and a diabolical creation my brother-in-law named a “Ca-pork-on”. Basically I stuffed a capon with sausage and in turn stuffed the sausage with a large pork roast – an incredibly delicious work of indulgence. (Perhaps I’ll post the “recipe” for that next year.)
New Year’s Eve dinner was another extravagant eatfest that ended with a bellyache the following day that rivaled a Bruce County snowstorm in severity.
As you can imagine, after all of the long days and longer nights associated with the holidays, one’s body begins to change. Grey hairs appear; feet get swollen; eyes get baggier; belts get loosened. Now, once the first of January comes around these things can be corrected. Grey hair? Dye those out! Swollen feet? Nothing a little pedicure can’t fix. Baggy eyes? A little cosmetic surgery never hurt anyone! Fat gut? Well this seems to be a specialty of everyone from Richard Simmons to Gwyneth Paltrow (ok, not really her, but Jeebus, how much air does that skinny biz-natch eat for dinner?). Now I’m no specialist when it comes to dieting, but I am a bit of a specialist when it comes to knowing how to cook and eat good food. All kinds of food. So when that special day came, maybe a week or so after Christmas, when I got out of the shower, looked down and saw a fat gut, I thought, ‘alrighty then asshat..time to put the lamb leg down and think about this for a second or two’. I’m no different than everyone else this time of year. I want to change things and a new year feels like it’s a fresh start. Clean slate. All showered, crevices cleaned and ready to go.
So this is the new action plan. I have Post-Holiday Fat Gut Syndrome, or PHFGS for short (it kind of sounds like the name of a muppet this way, perhaps a purple muppet who stole all of the cookies from you know who). PHFGS is a pain in the back, *ahem*, so I’m getting rid of it. I will post recipes of dishes I make with this action plan in mind, and I swear that no matter what, they will be delicious. And not in that “Yay!!! We’re making healthy food!!!! Yaaaaaaay!!!!” way if you know what I mean. I hate those people. So with that in mind here’s my first recipe.
Breakfast in the Market
Start with a latte from Ozzy at Casa Acoreana in Kensington Market. Ask for one sugar and he really puts in about two. It’s a good sucker punch of calories to start the day. Follow this with a banana or two from the produce shop across the street from the coffee shop.
That’s it folks. This should be enough food to get you until lunch. I’ll give you a recipe for that in a bit. I’m sorry if you were looking for a more “meat” related recipe now, but what the hell, you shouldn’t eat meat with every meal! That’s a one way ticket to Goutville (formally known as Fattergutville, but no one likes redundancy). So follow me on the steaming and poaching trail to Healthytown, where everyone is sober, fit and smart! By the way, if you don’t want to live in Healthytown forever, you can always check out Normalweightrangeforyour Heights, where the occasional glass of Carménère and slice of pizza are heartily embraced.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!













